I am nobody special, and generally want to remain anonymous here because I want the attention to be on Jesus, not me. I am not afraid to be recognized, however, and crave being with those who are in love with God, like I am.
I am a man who adores his wife and children, and wants everyone to have the same joy and kind of life I have.
I grew up in a small city in the United States and am now living in that same city. My wife unexpectedly completed her journey in this world on January 21, 2021. I am heartbroken, as you can imagine, but I see God's fingerprints all over the situation. His Word says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Thankfully, that is very true. Death is a part of life, and being close to God helps us get through it.
I retired from my corporate job as an engineer in 2015, and since then have been free to chase after Jesus and become like Him.
Why "Undeserving?"
As I grow and learn, some of my perspectives change. I think that is a good thing.
I am not sure "undeserving" is the right word anymore. I think "overjoyed" may be more appropriate. The One who created the universe actually lives inside of me and leads me through my life. This is astounding, and it fills me with joy and anticipation. I want everyone to experience this, and I will follow the Spirit to help bring it about, as He wills.
It breaks my heart to see people wander through their lives lost and unaware of the amazing and terrifying things going on around them. I want to help them, but I can't do it on my own. Anything I try leads to failure and dead ends. But, if I follow the Spirit, he shows me when the time is right, and He confirms what I need to do. Then He does the real work, and I get to see His Glory.
I originally named this blog "Undeserving" because I felt I did not deserve the mercy and grace God had given me. That is still true, but there is more to it than that. I think it is interesting to read my blog posts from the beginning to see how I have changed.
Brief Testimony
As I grew up, my parents took me to a United Methodist church, and when I was about nine years old I encountered God and "believed," but as I got older I did not find going to church to be of much use, so when I was old enough to rebel, I stopped going.
When I was in my late 30's, God drew me to attend an Evangelical Free church, where I learned about repentance and was baptized in water. I also had experiences with the Holy Spirit shortly after that time, and I was on fire for God. I taught Sunday School, ushered, went on a mission trip and served as a counselor at a summer camp for abused and neglected children. I had some amazing spiritual experiences, too. Then God taught me about the church as an institution, and how it compares to His Church, His Body, His Bride. They are not the same thing, although many have been deceived into thinking they are.
One of the things I learned was God expects me to lead my family, especially in spiritual matters. We stopped "attending church" in the mid-2000's because I realized God did not want us there anymore. He wants me to be the Church, to live by following His Holy Spirit, to worship in Spirit and Truth. I don't "go to church;" I AM the Church. "Where two or three are gathered in My Name, there I am with them," says Jesus. That's what I do. I am so free! Many people will find this to be a foreign concept, but I am convinced it is what Jesus wants and is what his early disciples practiced, as described in the Book of Acts.
Many people may think I am sinning by not regularly getting together with a group of people on a particular day in a particular place, and I agree that I crave being with those who are like me. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be many people around where I live who are like me. I've had to find them on the Internet, and travel long distances to be with them. I would dearly love to live my daily life with people who are filled with the Holy Spirit, as the writer of Hebrews encourages us to do, but many who think they have the Holy Spirit don't really have Him, and most "churches" are filled with unrepentant people, and believers who have been taught error and are not living the way Jesus taught us to live. Jesus does not want me to reinforce that kind of behavior by joining in. Instead, He wants me to demonstrate I can live a life full of Him, with joy and holy-spiritual power, without being religious and conforming to rules taught by men. He wants me to set the captives free, and if necessary, go get them! He's going to use me to help him round up "the sheep," and get them into "the sheep pen." So, that is what I'm going to do.
I started writing this blog in 2006, when I stopped going to church. I needed to express myself somehow, and this is the outlet God provided for me. After some starts and stops, and some drastic changes, it is clear to me that He wants me to continue writing here, at least for a season. So that is what I am going to do.
Thank you for being here and for listening to me. I hope God continues to use me in this way because I love it. I have to do it. It's how He made me. I would write these things even if nobody ever read them, although it would be discouraging.
Rick -- May 21, 2021